Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
