True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
