You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Can Purell be used as lube?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
