Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
