i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
