Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I need to align my fucking chakras
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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