I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
