I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
