I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
