I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
