Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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