His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
