Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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