Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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