Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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