dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
