Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
