I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
