well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
whose ass print is on the piano?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
