Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
