I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
