That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
