god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
