it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
