dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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