Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
