I skipped work to stalk him.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
