he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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