well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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