I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
