i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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