so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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