whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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