I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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