Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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