I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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