We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
