The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
