Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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