what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
