Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
