toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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