just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
