Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
