She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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