Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize