I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
