dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
