I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
