This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
