She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
