I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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