I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
