Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I think I just sharted jello shots
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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