its not stalking. its research.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
