just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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