In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
