you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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