I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
