doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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