My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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