thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
